You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I look better un-naked...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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