Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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