how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
