running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
