the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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