if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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