At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
