im having a threesome with these popsicles
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
