Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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