Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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