mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
