He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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