I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
