Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
