i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
