I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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