When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
