Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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