And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
