people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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