if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
