Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
