no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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