well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
