Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
