Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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