But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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