So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
