somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
