What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
