Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
