I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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