smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
