tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
