We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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