I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
