I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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