Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
