i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
