worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
