Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
