John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
