eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
