how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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