their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
