Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
