...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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