The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
