There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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