The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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