Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
