So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
