i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
