So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
