Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
